Top 10 Signs That You’re a Bedsharing Parent; 1: You hope for the day when…
Top 10 Signs That You’re a Bedsharing Parent; 1: You hope for the day when you can sleep alone. No baby, no partner, no Sophie the Giraffe; alone. And when that blissful night finally arrives, you end up staring at the ceiling until morning. The fancy hotel bed is nice, but what’s rest without the threat of rolling into baby puke? 2: You’ve referred to your toddler as the “Mini Radiator” and have used their body heat to warm you on more than one occasion. Go ahead and judge me, but on a winter night there’s nothing better, or cheaper, than warm baby snuggles. 3: You are constantly reaching out to catch a child who isn’t even moving, let alone rolling off the bed. When your hyper awareness leads to a catch though, you high five your own super human abilities. 4: Your mattress is directly on the floor. Box spring and/or fancy bed frame are in storage somewhere. And you don’t care since more often than not you’re the one falling off the bed. 5: When you wake up first you don’t even dare to blink too loudly because you know that toddlers can sense your being awake, like animals sense fear. Have to pee? Too bad. You know you’ll come back to bed and they’ll be sitting up, bright eyed and chewing on your cell phone, excitedly awaiting the rest of the day. 6: You don’t understand crib. The hell is a bumper? My friend asked me how to adjust crib settings once, and I answered in cricket noise. I didn’t even remember they had those. *shrugs* 7: You don’t really know if your baby is a “good sleeper” or not. This is especially true if you have finally mastered side lying position. Admit it; you sleep through feedings and just assume baby does too. 8: You have yelled at “parenting experts” on television who insinuate that bedsharing is inherently unsafe so many times that now your partner joins you in your “SAFE BEDSHARING EXISTS YOU JERKS!” tirade. And so does your mom. Your best friend. The baby… Bonus points if they groan and walk away whenever someone in real life brings up the subject. 9: You can’t sleep without ambient noise or a nightlight for months after your toddler transitions to their own bed. Whatever. The thunderstorm is soothing and I can quit when I want to. 10: You’ve rolled your eyes at any question in the vein of; “Do you even have sex though?” so hard that your eyeballs have scraped the inside of your eye sockets at least eleventy hundred times. Best response to this question is; “Yes we have sex, and probably more often than you do, you poor, uncreative souls.” a bedsharing parent knows better than to squander the opportunities afforded to them – even if it means they have very quiet sex in a closet sometimes. What would you add to this list?
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